Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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