I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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