You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
