You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
