hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
