Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
