I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize