ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
