Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
