If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize