I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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