i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
