youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
