if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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