I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize