you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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