White coat. Heels.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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