let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
