East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
