Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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