Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
