Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
