the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
