i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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