So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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