Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
