i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize