I haven't been this sober since birth.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just pee around me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
