U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize