the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
