I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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