so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
