Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize