is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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