you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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