Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
