I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
