It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
