I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
