Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
