I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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