i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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