i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
