if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
