Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
