so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
