That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize