I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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