I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
