"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
