no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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