How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
