Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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