The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
