I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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