At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This is the high leading the old right now
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize