I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
