I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
