My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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