What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
