She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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