If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
